Friday, March 4, 2016


February 7th, 2016

In Relief Society this week our lesson was on the April 2008 Conference talk by Elder Ballard - Daughters of God. And boy did I need to hear everything that was said!

Apparently there is something I need to learn because I have had more encounters lately with people calling me out on my lack of confidence as a mother and a person in general.

First, in December when Nate and I were asked to meet with a member of the Stake Presidency and finding out that Nate was being called to the High Council - at only 29 years of age - I was feeling a little overwhelmed knowing that there would be some Sundays I would get to fly solo at church with 4 little ones in tow. I was feeling excited and proud of Nate and I knew "everything would be okay" thanks to our dear Bishop. (A week and a half earlier, as we were leaving Tithing Settlement, our Bishop looked Nate in the eyes and said, "if you get a call in the near future for a calling just remember, everything will be okay.") The kids and I had a hard few days and I we went to our appointment feeling down and frustrated. Apparently the Stake Presidency member sensed something was wrong. He mentioned a few times that Nate can't do the calling on this own. That it takes a supportive, loving wife. It's the wife that makes the husband. Blah, blah, blah!! Then he said it, the words that made tears stream down my face, "You're a good mom and you're doing a good job"

Second, back in January at my Carpal Tunnel Surgery follow up appointment the surgeon told me that one reason I was still in so much pain was probably because I was doing to much. I need to let people help me more. He asked how I feel when I do things for others. After I told him it made me feel good He said, When you don't let people do things for you you are taking away the opportunity for them to feel that way. Again, the tears started falling! I couldn't help it. I again had been feeling so overwhelmed with everything that had been going on and was feeling a little down on myself and my abilities when this conversation happened.

Then this lesson happened this week! Again, coming at a time when I was feeling down and lacking in my mothering skills. Some things that stuck out to me.....

- Satan tries to suck the joy out of motherhood. He makes you compare yourself to other mothers.
-What can you do as a mother to reduce the pressure and enjoy your family?
                 1- recognize that the joy of motherhood comes in moments!! Moments - my word for the                            year!! Sometimes we have good days and the good moments are easy to come by.                               Other times we have bad/crazy days making the good moments harder to come by.                               They are there though and it's important that we search them out.  It's usually the                                   unplanned moments that end up meaning the most in our lives.
                 2- Don't over schedule yourself or your children
                 3- Find time for yourself
                          Don't be afraid to take a little timeout - take a deep breath. Take a pause to regroup                             during the chaos of the day. Don't get caught up in time wasters!
                  4- Pray, study and teach the gospel
                            You are not alone. Lean on the Lord
- The chapters of our lives are not all easy! Some chapters are really, really hard. But the best thing about chapters is they each eventually come to an end leading to a brand new beginning! We just need to get through each chapter.
-The timing of the Saviors blessings isn't always the timing we would like or think is best. But thank goodness there is someone who knows better than us and can bless us when we really need it most!

"You are doing better than you think you are"
Don't be so hard on yourself. Give yourself a break. 

Friday, February 5, 2016

The Village

I've heard the saying many times .......

"It takes a village to raise a child" 

but I never realized how true it was until having little ones of my own. 

You can't do it alone. 

We are so lucky to have so many in our village who are so good to our kids. Who love them and teach them so much.  

Grandparents, Aunts and Uncles, cousins, neighbors new and old, friends near and far, teachers and sometimes complete strangers. 

Our kids interact with a lot of different people and are able to learn so many different things from each of them.  They are so blessed to have such wonderful examples in their lives.

I am so thankful to those who have played a part in their lives
and for the impact you have had on them.

Wednesday, January 6, 2016

Star Was101 and impromptu lunch dates

That moment you learn all of the basic Star Wars trivia facts from your 5 year old son......

After dropping Paityn off today at preschool we had an hour and a half before Brax had to be to school. I don't get much one on one time with him and with my One Little Word for the year I decided to take advantage of this Moment. We stopped by Hobby Lobby to look for some different home decor items. It ended up being one of the most fun shopping experiences I have ever had.

I like to think that Braxton had as much fun as I did because he did not stop talking the entire time.

He loves Star Wars (for now) and is constantly playing with lightsabers, using his force and fighting other jedi's. Luckily he has siblings, uncles and parents who are willing to play along and entertain his imagination.

On the way to the store I got the whole low down of the characters, who they are married to, who their kids are, who their masters are, who has a stronger force, how the good guys turned bad, etc. Nate and I went and saw the new Star Wars The Force Awakens a few days before Christmas and Braxton got to go see it on Christmas with Nate, Grandpa Jeff, Ben and Jason - hence his obsession!

I learned that Queen Amadala (I don't even really know her name) is married to Anakin Skywalker. They had two kids, Luke Skywalker and Princess Leya. Leya married Haun Solo and they had the son who is the bad guy in the movie (again, can't remember his name). Anakin becomes Darth Vador, who is bad, after two jedi's get into a fight and one of them dies. Anakin gets mad and ends up fighting with someone else who hits him in the face with I'm assuming a lightsaber and that's when he gets his Darth Vador mask - because they don't want people to see his purple egg head. Braxton isn't really sure why Leya and Haun's son goes bad. Obe is the master but Yoda is the real master because he has the strongest force. R2do2 is friends with BB2. I'm sure he told me many, many more details but I was so confused with this little bit that I didn't take much else in.

While at the store Brax asked what was for lunch. I told him I wasn't sure. He asked if we could stop at McDonald's and then before I had a chance to answer said, "wait, no, Zupas. I love Zupas." How could I say no to that? We left the store with just enough time to get to Zupas and eat before it was time to get him to school. While walking in he said, "mom, I want what I always get. And the orange drink." While waiting to pay he said he loved the soup but he didn't know what it was called. I told him Wisconsin Cauliflower and he repeated it. He had so much looking around the restraunt and reading the different words and sayings they had around. At one point he said, "I can come here when I am a teenager but I can't remember how to say what I like. But you could just write it down for me before I come so I remember."

He only ended up eating half of his meal so it worked out perfect to take the rest home for Paityn to eat after school. And the "orange drink" was a hit with both kids.

I'm thankful for the little moments and for the memories they bring. A few hours of alone time with my oldest baby turning into an educational experience and a wonderful lunch. I sure do love my BMan.

Monday, January 4, 2016

One Little Word

To be completely honest .........I'm not such a fan of New Years Resolutions. It usually takes until the middle of January before I even have my goals for the year and by the end of January I'm done with them! I get so overwhelmed trying to come up with a few and pick the "most important" ones from my long list of imperfections that by the end I usually feel pretty bad about myself.

Two years ago I came up with a great list of goals for myself personally, Nate and I together and for our family. I was so excited to have a great year, get things done together and grow closer together. But when we weren't very successful with completing the goals I had for us I again got down on myself. I felt bad that we weren't being successful, that we couldn't stick to things, that we couldn't follow through, that I couldn't control my family and get them to do what I thought we needed to do. At that point I gave up and this last year I didn't even set goals.

I hated that I was so hard on myself and on my family. I hated that felt like we had to work on "our goals" and perfect them in order to be successful as an individual, couple and a family. Never mind all of the amazing things we were able accomplish and learn and grow from that year. I decided at that moment to take things a little at a time. A year is to long for me. In our current season of life and with the ages of our kids so much can happen and change in a years time. They learn and grow so much just from day to day. A year seems so overwhelming, so far away and so unreachable. Moments seemed much more do able for me and my family.

This year I was skimming through Instagram the morning of New Years Day. A friend of mine had mentioned that she participates in the #olw. It took me a little bit to figure out what in the world that meant but once I did I fell in love with the idea!

One Little Word - for the year - that's it! One word that you want to work and focus on. One little word to think about daily, or as often as you can, and that you feel will improve your life for you for the year.

After discovering #olw and thinking about what mine would be I came up with several different ideas. But the one that I kept going back to and ended up sticking is  ..............                                     

noun: moment; plural noun: moments
  1. 1.
    a very brief period of time.
    "she was silent for a moment before replying"
    synonyms:little while, short time, bitminuteinstantsecondsplit second;
    "he thought for a moment"
    • an exact point in time.
      "she would always remember the moment they met"
      synonyms:point (in time), timehour
      "the moment they met"
    • an appropriate time for doing something; an opportunity.
      "I was waiting for the right moment"
    • a particular stage in something's development or in a course of events.
      "one of the great moments in aviation history"
  2. 2.
    "the issues were of little moment to the electorate"
    "issues of little moment"

I want to be better about taking life one moment at a time. I joke all the time that taking a day at a time is to hard sometimes so I just take it one moment at a time instead. I want to take one moment at a time whether they're good or bad. I want to live in the moment more. Time is going way to quickly and my kids are growing up to fast. I want to be in the moment more. Not just physically but mentally and emotionally as well. I want my kids to know that they matter. I don't want them to have any question whether they are important to me when I am with them. I want to make sure my moments aren't taken over with silly distractions and things that don't really matter.  

                                                     I want to take life one moment at a time
                                   I want to take advantage and make the best of the moments I have
                                                      I want to focus on being in the moment

Here's to a New Year and a new me - one little word at a time. 

Wednesday, May 27, 2015

My Not So Little Baby Boy

Wednesday, 5/27/15

Last night for bed time stories I decided to pick one from the Friend Magazine that I had gotten a few weeks earlier but hadn't opened yet with the kids. We read a story about being nice and being a good friend. The story was about a 5th grade girl who had had some experiences in the past with boys who were mean causing her to decide that all boys are mean. One day it was raining to the kids had to stay inside to play. A boy in her class went up to this girl and a couple of her friends who were playing a game and asked if he could play. The girl couldn't think of a time that he had been mean but because he was a boy and she had decided that boys are mean she wouldn't let him play. She saw how sad he was as he walked away and felt really bad. She told her friends she didn't want to play the game anymore, went back to her desk and said a prayer telling Heavenly Father how sorry she was and that she never wanted to be mean like that again. Over the next couple of days she noticed that not all boys are mean and eventually apologized to the original boy for being so mean and not letting him play. They talked and became friends.

After reading the story I asked Braxton some questions about the story to make sure he understood what it was about - Was the girl nice at the beginning of the story? What did she do? How did the boy feel? etc

After talking about the story and stressing how important it is to be nice to everyone and let others play with us I decided to talk to him about school. I mentioned that if he ever sees someone all by them self he should ask them if they want to play with him. He thought about it for a second then said, "Or if I'm at recess and no one is playing with me I can ask someone if they want to play with me and if they say no I can go and ask someone else. Then we can play together."

What he said hit me like a ton of bricks! My baby boy isn't so little anymore. The last 5 years I have been able to protect him from the bad/mean things of this world. In a couple of months he's going to walk out the door for his first day of Kindergarten and from then on I'll loose some of my protection abilities. I can't be with him every second to make sure he is doing the right things. That he isn't being made fun of or making fun of someone else. That he isn't playing at recess or eating lunch alone. That he always has a buddy during group work. I won't be able to keep him safe when he's away and I hate it!! We as his family will no longer be the only influence in his life. He's going to be introduced to bad/scary/not nice things and I hate it!

All I can do is love him, pray for him and keep teaching him things at home that will hopefully help him when he ends up in those awful situations, because he will end up in those awful situations.

I hate that my baby boy had to grow up so quickly and that at such a young age he has to be "thrown into the world"

I Love you baby boy! I'm so proud of you and the smart, sweet, helpful, funny boy you are! You are such a wonderful brother and friend. You are so sensitive and worried about others being included and how other people are feeling. You are going to ROCK Kindergarten! As hard as it is for me to let you go I know you are going to have so much fun! You are going to make lots of new friends and learn lots of new things. Always remember I'm here for you and how much I love you!